Thank You Silence

I am calm. I am friendly. I am caring.

These are a few qualities in myself that I like. One thing in myself that I a missing, a core part of being a teenager - teen angst. Where the hell is it? Where's my passion to be freaking crazy, break every rule and not look back? I'm fifteen, halfway through my teenage years already. I've got five years to go. It may seem like a long time ago, but I can remember being ten so vividly that I could believe it was yesterday.

I think Footloose has made me question myself. All these kids are so passionate about getting a dance going because dancing is against the law, and you know what I'd do? I'd say, "Guys, it won't happen, don't even try, get over it". I have a good sense of reality, a great sense, even, and I know when things are pointless, when people are lying, and when people are attention starved. Also, in Footloose, a younger friend, probably twelve told me she had her period, and it only hit me hours later that it could've very well been her first period. Pretty big event in a girls life. I was in the fifth grade, barely ten years old, which is early, and though I feel like it's been a long, long time ago, I can still feel like it was recent. Time is a strange thing to me. I have no concept of it, which may play into my non-craziness (Which is my insanity, by the way).

Anyway, I think I have no desire to be over the top because I've felt being mediocre was something to strive for. My dad inspired me to be this way. At dinner, his talks of ridiculous celebrities and looking down on their expensive cars and houses made me believe and respect people who do not have that. The people who will buy Hondas and not a Benz. The people who will get an office job and not be a starving actress. Don't get me wrong, my father and mother encouraged me to reach for my dreams, but I grew up valuing being average. Maybe I wanted my dad to like me because he'd see I wanted to be the common, blue collared person. Maybe, actually, definitely, that's a feature I love about my dad, and I want to be like him. Maybe I know my dad is ordinary and I love him so I love ordinary. Who knows. Either way, I know my dad inspired me to want to be the average kiddo. I liked the non-dramatic things, I guess you could say. I was always a little weird with that. I never liked anything mainstream. I liked Buttercup, not Bubbles. I liked Jo, not Blair on the Facts of Life.

At this age, that is what I want. A simplistic life - a 9-5 job with full benefits, married by thirty, and two or three kids, live in a house with a yard and I'd love a puppy. Maybe do some sort of art or theatre on the side to make money.

Now why would any fifteen year old want that.

Why don't I want to be a crazy, lunatic, famous, money hungry celebrity? WHY DO I WANT TO SETTLE IN MY LIFE? This is my life, I'm young, I have the power to make my decisions. I live life by working today to have a better tomorrow, but why am I working so hard? Why do I work so DAMN hard in school, harder than everyone else, and I'll probably just end up going to a SUNY school!? I should want to be on Broadway, wanting to go to NYU and not thinking about it 24/7. Life for today.

What the hell is my problem?


That turned out to be more of a rant than I planned. I probably sound nuts.

The Basics

Full Name Marisa wontsayitonljbutwillsayiteverywhereelsecauseshesqueer
You like it? I like Leigh, yes.
Birthdate November 18th
Height/Weight: 5"2, 105 or so...
Eye Color Brown
Hair Color Brown
Can you...
Drive? No.
Drive a manual? No.
Touch your nose with your tongue? No, but I can tie a cherry not.
Cook? No.
Dance? Yes.
Sing? Yes.
Sew? No.
Speak another language? Spanish.
Have you ever...
Eaten sushi? Yes, don't like it much.
Been in love? With like, Idina and Halfy.
Skipped school? NO WTF alsdfjas actually yes, for Idina.
Made prank calls? I'm so good at those.
Done illegal drugs? ;saljdals :)
Stolen something worth more than ? Nope.
Flashed someone? HHA YES. An old couple and Becca by accident!
Been drunk? kasldha :)
Eaten squid? fried calamari all the wayyyy
Been to New York City? I live very close aha
Been to London? no :(
Favorite
Drink hm. green tea? hot chocolate?
Soda Coke.
Food honey mustard pretzels.
Restaurant applebees?
Color blue probably.
Artist idina :D
Album oh jeez, um. cant pick one!
Website facebook, sb, natalie dee.
The Last
Person to hit you MS DALTON ON THE LUNCH LINE
Person you wanted to hit everyone on this earth
Person you hugged my mommy.
Person you kissed: really kissed? peter. like, cheek? my mommy =]
Person you wanted to kiss you I AM DESIRABLE TO NO ONE.
Country you've been in America.
Car you've driven my dads but i dont drive really.
Law you've broken -shakes head at today-
Thing you ate : veggie chips!
Thing you drank: green tea
Thing you said: "night dad"
Book you read Ordinary People, it's open on my desk.
Show you watched: Soup, watching it now.


MAUREEN'S QUIZ!

The Basics
Full Name Maureen Leah Conley.
You like it? Yeahhhh why not.
Birthdate November 22nd.
Height/Weight 5"4, 120.
Eye Color green
Hair Color brown
Can you...
Drive? im horrible at it hahah but yep, im legally able to drive.
Drive a manual? yep.
Touch your nose with your tongue? nah that's gross
Cook? HAHA
Dance? yep.
Sing? kinda
Sew? a little
Speak another language? Russian, I took Spanish in high school but dropped it. I guess I can speak it a little though.
Have you ever...
Eaten sushi? Yeah
Been in love? Yep.
Skipped school? hah yeah.
Made prank calls? oh dude im a beast at those
Done illegal drugs? all models do coke.
Stolen something worth more than ? nah.
Flashed someone? yes!
Been drunk? ahah yes
Eaten squid? yeah
Been to New York City? born and raised.
Been to London? nah but i wanna
Favorite
Drink cosmo
Soda coke, sprite is for pussayz.
Food i love all food, im serious. cookies :D
Restaurant no particular favorite.
Color mm, blue or purple. or black or white.
Artist oh, i love all art. musically though i'd have to say Bright Eyes or Jewel.
Album Beatles White Album, or greatest hits of ... anyone.
Website i'm not online a lot so i don't really know. lolcats always cheers me up.
The Last
Person to hit you ben, that faggot
Person you wanted to hit colin
Person you hugged ben
Person you kissed Joel :]
Person you wanted to kiss you hopefully joel.
Country you've been in america?
Car you've driven mine
Law you've broken: coke
Thing you ate ugh i like devoured a krispy kreme before.
Thing you drank water
Thing you said "colin, shut up".
Book you read Danielle Steele stuff.
Show you watched: The Bachelorette. Guilty.

Do you have any pets? Had a cat named Oreo. Love him.
What color shirt are you wearing? Grey
Name three things that are physically close to you: Veggie chips, Ordinary People book, magnetic bookmark my grandma gave me...
What is the last book you read? Ordinary People, reading it now.
Are you or were you a good student? I am a dandy student.
What's your favorite sport? If I had to pick, tennis or hockey.
Do you enjoy sleeping late? YES.
What's the weather like right now? Nighttime. It's okay.
Who tells the best jokes? Rosa.
What was the last thing you dreamed about? Uhm... hm. Peter's birthday =/
Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed? No.
Do you believe in karma? Yes.
Do you believe in luck? Yes.
Do you like your eggs scrambled or sunny side up? Not at all.
Do you collect anything? If so, what? not really, no.
Are you proud of yourself? sometimes, sure.
Are you reliable? absolutely.
Have you ever given money to a bum? i always want to. i give tips, is that enough?
What's your favorite food? honey mustard pretzels.
Have you ever had a secret admirer? define that please.
Do you like the smell of gasoline? yeah.
Do like to draw? hah why yes.
What's your favorite invention? computer.
Is your room messy? not really
What do you like better: oranges or apples? tangerines.
Do you give in easily? less than i used to, but yeah kinda.
Are you a good guesser? excellent guesser.
Can you read other people's expressions? yes.
Are you a bully? no.
Do you have a job? Carvel employee!
What time did you wake up this morning? 9:53, then 11 and I got out of bed at 11:11.
What did you eat for breakfast this morning? bagel and green tea.
When was the last time you showered? this morning, around 12 pm.
What do you plan on doing tomorrow? parade, hanging out, dont know.
What's your favorite day of the week and why? Saturday. Free to do what I want! Or Thursday, because they always have the best things on Dr. Phil and Oprah.
Do you have any nicknames? Not really, no.
Have you ever been scuba diving? Yes! One of my favorite memories. Edit: Oops, I meant snorkeling.
What's your least favorite color? Hm. Yellow, orange? Depends on the intensity.
Is there someone you have been constantly thinking about? If yes, who? Idina. Always. I mean, what?
Would you ever go skydiving? Maaaaybe.
What toothpaste do you use? Some insane cavity prevention thing.
Do you enjoy challenges? Depends on what kind.
What's the worst injury you have had? hm... well when i was younger i fell off the porch because no one was watching me haha.
What's the last movie you saw? uhm, hm. In theatres, probably Juno, and at recently, Juno, haha.
What do you want to know about the future? My career, and if I will be married with kids.
What does your last text message say? "Are you working tonight?" 8:44 pm.
Who was the last person you spoke over the phone to? Tom. Actually no, my mom.
What's your favorite school subject? English and Ap World.
What's your least favorite school subject? MATH, effin CHEM.
Would you rather have money or love? love.
What is your dream vacation? ahh anything, probably tropical.
What is your favorite animal? uh, squirrel? wolf?
Do you miss anyone right now? does my roleplay buddy count? i mean, uh, i don't know.
What's the last sporting event you watched? like, playland itself was a sporting event.
Do you need to do laundry? no my mom does dat shet yo.
Do you listen to the radio? only in the car, 103.7 wahh. oh yeah, cbs 101 owes me $101!
Where were you when 9/11 happened? 4th grade, letting Justine Kavanah win checkers because Ms. Stolfi made me. This let me not get to use the new markers I wanted to, haha.
What do you do when vending machines steal your money? kick them, or get over it.
Have you ever caught a butterfly? no.
What color are your bed sheets? white with blue polka dots usually, but blue with white flowers.
What's your ringtone? Idina Menzel "Brave".
Who was the last person to make you laugh? Cassie.
Do you have any obsessions right now? Idina, roleplaying.
Do you like things that glow in the dark? yes, why not.
What's your favorite fruity scent? gay men. or, uhm, i don't know.
Do you watch cartoons? not really, no.
Have you ever sat on a roof? tijanas, once, in the 5th or 7th grade or something.
Have you ever been to a different country? Mexico
Name three things in the world you dislike: Rudeness, unfairness, poverty.
Name three people in the world you dislike: This girl from my school with a muffin top and a fake tan, a lot of rappers, i don't know, i like a lot of people.
Has a rumor even been spread about you? not really, no.
Do you like sushi? no.
Do you believe in magic? not sure haha.
Do you hold grudges? absolutely.

Ben Quibbler's Quiz!

Do you have any pets? Two cats, but they passed away. Maureen has her dog, Roger, and since we live together, I guess it's kind of mine too. So yes.
What color shirt are you wearing? Blue buttoned up collar shirt.
Name three things that are physically close to you: My computer, the window, the coffee table.
What is the last book you read? The Prince of Tides. Fabulous book.
Are you or were you a good student? Yes, proud to say that I was.
What's your favorite sport? Oh, I like baseball.
Do you enjoy sleeping late? Sometimes, but I don't like to waste the day. 9 o'clock or so is perfect for me.
What's the weather like right now? Rainy.
Who tells the best jokes? Colin.
What was the last thing you dreamed about? I dreamt I was on a football team last night.
Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed? I do drive, and no I have not, because I am a careful driver.
Do you believe in karma? Yes.
Do you believe in luck? Yes, but not completely. 80%, maybe.
Do you like your eggs scrambled or sunny side up? Scrambled.
Do you collect anything? If so, what? I used to collect coins as a kid, and now, I collect lots of things but I get rid of them after a year. I do not like clutter.
Are you proud of yourself? I think so, yes.
Are you reliable? Very much so.
Have you ever given money to a bum? Every time I see one. I also feed Colin so that counts.
What's your favorite food? Pasta, or Fried Calamari, or Shrimp...
Have you ever had a secret admirer? In the 4th grade, I got a lot of random letters from Ashley Brown. They were very sweet. Thank you, Ashley.
Do you like the smell of gasoline? Not particularly.
Do like to draw? Considering that I am an artist...
What's your favorite invention? The internet completely fascinates me.
Is your room messy? No!
What do you like better: oranges or apples? Apples, but I eat both. The seeds in oranges drive me nuts, though.
Do you give in easily? Yes.
Are you a good guesser? No.
Can you read other people's expressions? Sometimes.
Are you a bully? Naw.
Do you have a job? I am a cartoonist, and I do interior design in my free time.
What time did you wake up this morning? 7:30, for work.
What did you eat for breakfast this morning? Waffles and tea, like my mom used to eat haha. She still does.
When was the last time you showered? This morning, at 7:30.
What do you plan on doing tomorrow? Working, then going to see Tara :)
What's your favorite day of the week and why? Sunday mornings are always relaxed, which I like.
Do you have any nicknames? ... We won't talk about this.
Have you ever been scuba diving? Yes, one of the most amazing experiences!
What's your least favorite color? Orange looks like throw up.
Is there someone you have been constantly thinking about? If yes, who? Tara, of course, as well as Maureen. She hasn't been right lately.
Would you ever go skydiving? I'd like to eventually.
What toothpaste do you use? Extreme Cavity Prevention plus Fluoride.
Do you enjoy challenges? Puzzles are my favorite, but most of the time, No, I don't.
What's the worst injury you have had? I broke my arm playing football when I was a teenager.
What's the last movie you saw? Tara and I watched Saving Private Ryan last night. I thought it was a little too bloody, but war movies interest me. I think Tara was a little bored but she said she liked it.
What do you want to know about the future? Hm... I would like to know Armageddon, and the "true" religion, if you will.
What does your last text message say? Inbox: "get veg chips" from Maureen. I replied, "got it".
Who was the last person you spoke over the phone to? My mother.
What's your favorite school subject? I always loved English and World History.
What's your least favorite school subject? I am bad at Math and the Sciences.
Would you rather have money or love? Love, any day.
What is your dream vacation? Going with Tara to the Bahamas, kissing under a sunset. I bet she'd take a lot of photos, and I'd draw up a storm.
What is your favorite animal? I really like bears. But cute bears, like Pooh. We are a lot alike, Winnie and I. ;)
Do you miss anyone right now? Nope, since Tara is on the couch next to me.
What's the last sporting event you watched? I watched a football game with Joel and some of Maureen's male friends.
Do you need to do laundry? Yep.
Do you listen to the radio? Not really.
Where were you when 9/11 happened? At work, in the city. It was a very interesting experience. I am very lucky to be alive. I work far away, but I could see the smoke. I'd actually rather not talk about it.
What do you do when vending machines steal your money? Tell an administrator.
Have you ever caught a butterfly? Probably.
What color are your bed sheets? Blue.
What's your ringtone? The Beatles. I'm old fashioned.
Who was the last person to make you laugh? Maureen.
Do you have any obsessions right now? No? Well, Tara and Maureen...
Do you like things that glow in the dark? Yes. I used to have stars on my ceiling.
What's your favorite fruity scent? What? Enough with the gay jokes! ;)
Do you watch cartoons? No.
Have you ever sat on a roof? Yep.
Have you ever been to a different country? China, with Tara. Amazing.
Name three things in the world you dislike: Cruelty, unfairness/injustice, radical religious fanatics
Name three people in the world you dislike: Oh dear. My old boss, the brats who picked on me in school, and ... I don't know.
Has a rumor even been spread about you? Probably.
Do you like sushi? Yes I do.
Do you believe in magic? Mhm.
Do you hold grudges? I try not to.

I love Ben Quibbler.

I want to be Carrie Bradshaw. This is known. However, I have an idea - what if I came up with a blog like Perez Hiltons? I'd post it on facebook, so anyone could read it. It would be strictly about the news and stuff, not me. Do you guys think anyone would read it besides the people that come here? Honestly. If I made it funny, added pictures, ect... ? Let me know, honestly. I'm pretty sure no one would read it, but you know haha.

A sample would be:

So let's talk about security of the internet. In a recent encounter, I was just blocked from someone's facebook page. Why, this is a tad ridiculous in my opinion. I love looking at people I don't like's facebook, and I bet people who don't like me like looking at mine. Why? Because humans crave drama. What really is the point in blocking someone? Is it the satisfaction in knowing they will know you blocked them, or is it really to remove someone you don't like from viewing personal things about you? Let's explore both, shall we?

Personally, I believe blocking is stupid. I fail to see the point. I don't care who looks at my pictures. The creators of facebook will tell you, in a complete BS attempt in an argument, "facebook is to connect with old friends and share memories". True, but again, it's also a drama feed that EVERYONE, yes, EVERYONE, feeds into. By putting pictures on the internet, I don't know, I feel like it's fair game for anyone to see. More importantly though, what's the big deal about someone you don't like seeing your pictures, your status update, and what people posted on your wall? You're doing the same thing to them, seeing where they went, who they smiled with. I think it's a tad puerile, and honestly, you ain't that interesting, honey.

Suck it up and put it on public.

I'm writing this so I never forget it.
Tuesday, Jan 29th 2008, Idina's new CD, I Stand, was debuting so she was having a performance/CD signing at the Virgin MegaStore in NYC. So guess who went.
6:30 - wake up.
7:30 - arrive at Megastore to line up to buy tickets at 9. the first person there was there at 1 am. thing was, they didnt run out so you coulda gotten a ticket at 1 am or 9:30 ( latest time i know) so it didnt really matter. my mom and i talked to this crazy lady behind us who wouldnt stop talking and leaning in towards me because i talk kind of quietly.
9:00 - buy the two cds, $32.64 or something like that, and get two blue bracelets that are still on my wrist.
9:30 - leave the city.
4:45 - arrive back at the city, get on another line for the 6:30 performance/signing. Only those with a bracelet could be at the signing. I hung out with Ali and Joanna, pretty fun yay.
6:30 - my life begins. why is she so amazing. she sung six songs from the new album, while i took pictures and video of her. amazing woman.
about 8:32 - I MET IDINA MENZEL.
ok so the security guard took the cd from you and gave it to her to sign, and you had a maximum of 5 seconds to talk to her.
me: hi idina, you're my favorite performer and it's so nice to meet you, thank you so much.
Idina: Oh, thank /you/ for coming.
Then she looked up at me. Holy. Everything. She is so FREAKING beautiful. Her eyes are so green and I was like, taken aback and didn't know what to say. So I said, "oh, you're welcome..." and smiled and waved goodbye. She looked at me like she was listening so intently, her head tilted a bit. I couldn't believe how drop dead gorgeous she was. Is, rather.
9 - go to applebees with Ali and her mom. fun fun. I could barely eat my mutzzstyxyo cause I was so in shock, ahha.
Then at 9:30 my mom had Paulie from her car service placce thing drive us home.
best day of my life so far.

HELLO LIFE.
21st Annual Flea Market today! my camera decided to be a cock on the ONE day i needed it.

the 12 line:
*everything Im writing is without the "O HAI CAN YOU SIGN THIS PLZ ^_______^"

Adam Pascal - "sick today" MY BUTT. No show, breaking the hearts of 34543 fangirls (me being one).

Michael Bernesse - ACL - I totally forgot who he was so it was like plain and awk and I told him I was seeing ACL and he said he'd be there.

Laura Bell Bundy: I take back everything I said about her. She was INCREDIBLY sweet.

me: youre one of my fav performers!
larua: oh thank you *adorable face*
me: you're very welcome!
*pauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuse*
It was a little awk, but she did the cutest face when she was watiing. She's very pretty.

Orfeh & Christian were cool. Had...nothig to say to them.

Ilene Kristen - I told her I saw her last year, she was impressed, haha.

Max & Laura from Grease...she was SO pretty but I really didnt have anything to say, haha.

Kerry Butler - I told her about Ariel, she remembered. Very sweet girl. Needed a higher shirt line though. Not that I am complaining... ;)

JULIA MURNEY OH MAH LAWD. I wish I had spoken to her for longer. She looked very nice. I told her she wsa my favorite, she signed my Wild Party CD ("WOW!") and my mom was like, "We saw wicked twice, we stalk you LOLZ". I don't remember, I was too nervous.


Anthony Rapp - So nice, again. What a cutie.
Me: Hi, can you sign this please? *hands Rent CD*
Anthony: Sure, where?
Me: Anywhere ^___________^
An: Ok :) Here a go.
me: thank you so much, and thank you for coming to the stagedoor everyday.
my mom: r*rambles*
me: ^________^

Did not talk to Andy Karl, Marj or Joanne Dunsay.

Then I got my photo witih Rappy! Hes adorable.

1 pm line. I saw them start to walk and I was like, "Hi Stephanie! Hi Sebastian! Hi Mary! Hi...." they all responded, but stehpanie block was like "!! hi!" and touched my wrist. i died. shes beautiful.

Ann Harada- Christmas Eve from Avenue Q - SO nice. signed my cd, was just really cool.
Beth Leavz - new haircut! very nice as always.
Caitlin Van Zandt - Sopranos/Gudiing light - so funny / nice.
Jersey Boys weer HOT. Wow.
David Hyde Pierce:
me: congrats on your tony!
him: thank you. his face was like, a mix between :) and :|

Mary Testa - dsjknfaina i love her. we talked about SWIWS. Very nice, awesome lady. "i do not rollerskate".

stephanie d'abruzzo - OMGILOVEYOU. i was SO ecstatic to finally meet this woman. told her she was one of my favorites, she said "oh you're so sweet." she looked pretty, and i liked her dress. very pale. signed my cd.

stephanie j block: ok betches, this is what happened. she was at the photobooth when i was up to talk to her, so i was like :EFF THIS" and spent $10 to go speak with her and get a pic. she shook my hand and i told her she was one of my favorites, she signed my cd. she was like "whats your name? youre gorgeous!" i love her love love love love. omg. love.

sebastian and i talked for a long time. hes so in love with stephanie, its adorable. he was like "did you ever see her? shes so great". i love him. asndiaiwan.


basically, im glad i wait all year for this because it was so worth it.

ps i met sammie from sb!

oh and my 3rd favorite roleplay ended oh well m y buddy sucked. the end. i did not cry and sob for hours like last time. :)

I've been noticing something lately. I think I've figured out one key to life. It's simple, yet we do it every single day and probably don't even realize it-- though most do.
It's all about confidence.

It's really not what you look like--well, it is, but its /the way/ you show it, really. Confidence and the way you present yourself has just about everything to do with the way people see you. You could be ugly as anything, but people will still find you hot.

Take a certain girl from our school with a unibrow. She's not pretty at all, really. It's the over amount of confidence that she puts out that makes people vote her one of the "hottest" on facebook. I'm not saying it'll work everytime, but can we, all in all, be beautiful even if we're not? I don't know, but I think there's something about it.

It doesn't just have to do with the way confidence effects the way you dress. The result of
Think of someone you know who's pretty, but has low self confidence. I can't think of too many. It's kind of like the chicken and the egg. Which came first, the beauty or the confidence? I think a little bit of beauty creates a lot of confidence, but still. Are we blinded by confidence?

I also learned something else. Low self confidence is UGLY. No one wants to be with "Mr. I hate myself" though we, as humans, seem to enjoy playing this role.
Why is it that people pretend they have low confidence, or aim for it? I think it's all for sympathy. People who play a low self confidence don't have too much of it to begin wth, and think that if they gain peoples sympathies, they'll gain friends. Maybe it works sometimes, but I never seen it have. Feeling sorry for yourself puts you and everoyne else in a bad mood, and no one wants to be around that. No oe wants to keep reminding you that you're beautiful, either. Call me Ms. Samantha, but I hate that. I don't want to say "oh stop, you're so skinny!" People hate that. It's not attractive to have to say that and it becomes frustrating. So why do we keep doing it? Attention.

Everything is so combined in life. I don't know, I could be really wrong about all this, but I think self confidence is what gets you noticed.

I hate myself.


Just for fun:

Of Your Friends...
List 10 Of Your Friends (Any Gender) Below
1.: Jen
2.: Tijana
3.: Peter
4.: Gabi
5.: Sean
6.: Jay
7.: Viki
8.: Bert
9.: Maura
10.: Belen
Now Answer The Questions Below Referring To The Friends You Listed Above.
How long have you known 1?: Since 6th grade
Have you been to 8's house?: First time today!
Do you like 6?: hah yes, yes I do.
Are 4 and 10 friends?: Mmhm.
Have you been to 3's house?: Actually, No...
Would you ever live with 5?: no offense mar but no.
When was the last time you talked to 4?: Right now.
Would 1 and 6 make a good couple?: LOL, I swear I didn't plan that. Yes.
How about 8 and 10?: Er no.
Have you ever dreamt about 2?: Yep.
Have you ever slept with 9?: Yes.
Is 7 attractive?: Yes! Viki is so pretty.
Do you love 4?: Mmhmm. In more than a friendly way...
Would you ever cuddle with 1?: Of course.
Would you ever kiss 3?: YES. Lets get goin on that, btw...
What do you like best about 6?: He cares a lot about my best friend (:
Have you ever had a crush on 1, 3, 5, 7, or 9?: I'm dating 3. So...
Do you ever wish you never met 3?: Clearly. ;]
How did you meet 5?: Through the grapevine, I guess.
Has 2 seen you naked?: Probably. Who hasn't?
Have you seen 2 naked?: Don't think so.
Who is taller? 5 or 10?: For once, Belen isn't taller!
Have you met 4's family?: Yes.
Would you ever go out with 3?: I am, haha.
Do you think 7 is funny?: Absolutely hysterical
What about 6?: I'd say yeah.
Where was the last place you went with 1?: Her house.
When was the last time you hung out with 2?: Before she left for Yugo.
Where do you want to take 3?: To the movies tonight, then to my bed. I mean.
When do you want to see 4?: Tomorrow...
Would 5 and 6 make a good couple?: LMFAO
Have 7 and 8 ever kissed?: i don't think so :P
Would 9 or 10 ever live together?: Don't think so.
Would you let 3 have your baby?: Well...
Have you ever told 1 a deep dark secret?: Yes.
Has 1 ever told you a secret?: Yes.
Would you runaway with 6?: Probably not.
Who was the last person 9 kissed?: Not sure.
Who was the last person 7 hugged?: Her mom.
What word or phrase does 5 say alot?: "Leave1tho cya"
Does 6 make you laugh?: Yeah.
Does 2 ever annoy you?: Nope.
When did you last call 4?: No idea.
Do you ever talk to 3 online?: I am now.
What about 2?: I was before.
Does 10 smell bad?: No, haha.
Does 1 smell nice?: Guess so.
Are 1 and 8 friends?: I think.

Okay, so I took that quiz a year ago and now I just have different people. Some answers were exatly the same. Like I'm going to the mnvies with peter later and it said...dude, CREEPY.

So Charlie Brown is over. Its so bizarre but I love like 15/18 people there. We all get along so well. It's amazing. Tonight we had our cast party. My boobs and cheek got licked by gay men, I stripped on a pole with some dude watching ("What did you dare her to do? Bark like a dog?") I miss them all already... 3 weeks well spent. I even enjoyed the lovely choreographer, Jen, and the cuttttie acting coach, David. Everyone made fun of me for my crush. =P when we played Ampompi, I got to touch his hands and I was like "YESS".

I got SHELVES TODAY. Two cubes, one reuglar shelf, and a TV STAND!! OH OH HOH AND PICTURE FRAMESSS. that is SO COOL to me. I'm obsessed with organization, clearly. wht a nerd i am. it was fun looking through all my pictures and cutting them and such.

These were my summer goals.

-Running a mile everyday [sort of]
-Get back to 100 crunches a day [sort of]
-Fix my dieting habits [sort of]
-Change up my hair. Sidebangs + streaks. Lighter or darker brown, I'm not sure. [not yet]
-Get rid of the people I don't need in my life. [not really]
-Prevent getting more of those people (aka Geniveve) [nope]
-Be more social [yes]
-Work on getting a backbone. I believe I developed a nerve tissue of some sort lately, so that's good. (A.k.A saying "no" when I don't want to hang out instead of going, standing up for myself and others) [getting there]
-Be apart of something. I want so badly to be a part of an organization, like One or Global Warming stuff. I want to help and change things when I can. [no]
-Change my vocabulary. I'm already starting this one. [no]
-Study for math when I dont have any pressure and understand it for next year. If I can, go ahead a year. [NO]
-Be more like Kathy Griffin - more carefree. [no]

So lots of no's. That's bad. I really wanted to make a dramatic change. Like a visable one. I do have all of August. I think Cancun will help, since I can swim and do laps and tan.

Whaaaatelse. Hmm. Nothin really.

I can't even comprehend today's events. I went in the city to meet up with CARLA, a good online friend of mine. Now I've never MET anyone I knew online, but I've seen three by accident. Very surreal feeling. Carla and I get along great though. So here's what happened. I'm still amazed.

We had been planning this for a while, and we finally had a chance to. Saturday, July 14th, 2 PM, in front of the Gershwin Theatre. I saw someone coming with their hands on their face, but the lighting was odd, so I couldn't automatically tell it was her. Then I could and we attacked each other. It was SO cool. Really. I can;t even, omg. fniaanaindiaw. My parents met her mom, ect.

Then we headed to Ellens Stardust Diner, a favorite of mine. Carla and I sat together while my parents sat at a table not too far away. Our song is "What You Own" from Rent, and what do ya know, they started singing it. We looked at each other like "OMG". Crazy! Then they sang Popular :D. Lunch was lovely, and I really couldn't stop smiling. We talked about everything. Insane!

We roamed around the city, taking pictures with like EVERY theatre, and then we got the brilliant idea to stagedoor Rent. Before that though, we just chilled at the Nederlander, which was really cool. It's so bizarre to think Taye, Idina, Anthony, and even Jonathan Larson himself walked through those doors and looked at the same things we did and sat in the same places. I didn't notice the graffiti on the walls the last time I was there. The one that stuck out to me most was " I have AIDS". We stuck around and there were these girls, all dressed up as the characters. Won't lie, their costumes were good, but they were such fangirls. We took their picture, haha.

So we spoke to Christopher J. Hanke first, who plays Mark. I saw Matt Caplan. Christopher was really cute and pretty nice too. We hugged and got a picture.

Carla had seen Tim Howar a few days before in the street, so we wanted to talk to him. He was VERY nice, and I regret saying he wasn't the first time I saw RENT with him. Cute too.

Antionique. Oh my goodness. I saw her as Mimi and loved her, but I' not sure if I spoke to her. Well, she was SO SWEET. We talked to her and she saw Carla's shirt ("Rehab All Star" with Lindsay Lohan, LOL) and was like, "who's that?" and i was like, "Lindsay Lohan." and Antonique was cracking up, and had her hand on my shoulder for balance. She's SO pretty -- obviously i told her that -- and she ws just so nice! i luff her. I'm glad she was there.

We didn't get to stay for Tamayra, but that's okay. I'll see her in August.

We drove Carla to the hotel and it was so sad saying goodbye. It was such a good day though. Very surreal!

Carla if yu're reading this, sorry i talked about you in like 3rd person :P

good. times. its just truly amazing!

It's weird but I kinda feel closer to the Nederlander Theatre...not closer but ike... I can't explain it.

and a homeless man said i was special.

i'm really pretty sure my life is a fucking joke sometimes. what the fuck.
my boyfriend is such a goddamn pansy i swear if he does not grow a pair of balls
he is fucking sixteen years old GRW THE FUCK UP
I SWEAR
IM SO LIVID RIGHT NOW
a part of me is like "girl, fuck him, you dont need a pussy like that."
and the other part is ike "hes the best yure gong t get becaues youre a fucked up bitch so deal"

edit: dammit i pressed enter

ugh soemtimes i wish i coudl fall asleep and just not wake up. never get too comfortable beacause when you think things are okay they fucking rise up and btie you. ugh! if i magically just some hwo dont wake up, that would be okay. sduhfaab goodammit fukcing adkfinafa

please dont pity comment this. im not asking for attention im screaming in type, so not bitching abut what an attention whore i am would be great too. if you dont like it dont fuckng read it.


holy shit i have mental problems. ellen, anyone?

I've been in some pretty foul moods lately. I don't think its PMS or anything like that because it's been going on for a while. Its like severe mood swings and I'm just not understanding it. Like for example, I'll have fun with someone and then come home, all pissy. For no reason. At all.

JUST as I was typing this:

Dad: Is everything okay with you?
Me: Yeah?
Dad: You looked angry before.
Me: I'm in a bad mood all the time.

If my dad is starting to notice it, something must be up. I've just been snapping and saying things I didn't mean to say. I almost said something really unneccessary on aim to someone today, and gladly I deleted it before I could send. I'm really not sure what it is, but I'd like to stop it. I don't think its the whole "im going to change" this summer thing, either. But I'm in unneccessarily bitchy moods lately. For NO reason.

I also kind of feel myself pulling away from things I love to do. I've been having a few symptoms like that, of depression, but I know it isn't that. Maybe it's just stress, or something. Speaking of, I have to study.

I just...I don't know. I hope I get over it soon. I don't wanna lash out at anyone or something.

What is WRONG with me?

Well this summer, on a brighter note, I'm going to change. I'm sick of me, and this is what I'm doing.

-Running a mile everyday
-Get back to 100 crunches a day
-Fix my dieting habits
-Change up my hair. Sidebangs + streaks. Lighter or darker brown, I'm not sure.
-Get rid of the people I don't need in my life.
-Prevent getting more of those people (aka Geniveve)
-Be more social
-Work on getting a backbone. I believe I developed a nerve tissue of some sort lately, so that's good. (A.k.A saying "no" when I don't want to hang out instead of going, standing up for myself and others)
-Be apart of something. I want so badly to be a part of an organization, like One or Global Warming stuff. I want to help and change things when I can.
-Change my vocabulary. I'm already starting this one.
-Study for math when I dont have any pressure and understand it for next year. If I can, go ahead a year.
-Be more like Kathy Griffin - more carefree.

I can't explain everything I want to do, because its so broad, but basically... I want to be better. I think, if I can do what I want, be the person I want to be.



"It's a long way to go. A hard road to HOE. But In the meantime..."
-Julia Murney/John Lennon/Ms. O'Gorman.

OH MY GOD arfbnarnawirnwarnta.

I saw WICKED today. Now you all know how I adore Julia Murney and Wicked and all that and how I missed her on March 4th and wanted to leap off a building. She was THERE today. OMFGGGG wh4w86h jaint /fangirl attack.

Okay, so my mom and I are driving there and I was eating my FAVORITE lunch (salad and vitamin water from the bagel place) and singing to Julia's CD. We walked around for a while, I got L5Y sheet music, but that's it. I made my mom go into the Gershwin twice to see if they had the understudy performance sign up. They didn't have it up, so I was like having a panic attack. Even when we went in and got our playbills (took another like 4, so now i have like 15 playbills of Wicked) and the sheet about the understudies werent there, I still needed to be reassured.

There were cute like 4 year olds in front of us, and we had front mezz (love that word) seats, so I was happy I could see it pretty well. The couple next to me, probably 50s or 60s were arguing because she was "criticizing" him. The lights dim, and I twist my playbill in my hands. (I have a habit of holding a playbill and holding onto it during intense songs and things. by the end, the playbill is all rolled up and ripped. ESPECIALLY this one).

No One Mourns the Wicked - I think it was even better than last time, wow. I think Wicked has one of the best overatures. Once you hear those notes...oh my gosh. I was amazed. Kendra improved and I was impressed with her highnotes. The ensamble though is amazing, they really are. So powerful. I really love the bald guy, and "how I hate to go and leave you..." part.

Dear Old Shiz - Okay song, I guess. But this is when Julia came out. As soon as I saw her, this is going to sound so fangirly, but I started like bawling. It was then when I realized JULIA MURNEY IS HERE. I couldn't even like. omg. She was there!

The Wizard and I - Oh. My. God. JULIA. Completely blew me away with this. I think this was just as good as her Defying Gravity. Crying the whole time, obviously.

What Is This Feeling - Seeing Julia and Kendra together made me explode. Kendra sings with other people kind of oddly. The way Julia made fun of Kendra made me DIE.

Something Bad - I don't know if I saw Stephen Skybell as Dr. Dillamond last time, but he was good. So funny too, and a great actor in his scenes.

Dancing Through Life - SEBASTIAN. His singing and acting was amazing, so was his dancing. Ahhh I loved this, one of my favorites. The lights looked beautiful. Sebastian adn Kendra looked cute dancing slowly, and I loved Julia's dancing Elphaba thing. Love love love.

Popular - I actually found myself liking Kendra. The way she was all hyper was cute. She always sounds so breathless and speeds through things without emotion though. I noticed that last time too.

I'm Not That Girl - I love Julia's rendition on the CD because of the freedom she had there to do the notes however she wanted. But it was still really good.

One Short Day - This song is cute. When she said, "I'll be back for good someday" I wanted to scream. I remember people saying stuff about Idina in London and yeahhhhh. Still really great.

A Sentimental Man - I never really liked this song so I stared at Julia. Is that weird? A bit.

Defying Gravity - LIFE. OH MAH LAWD. JEEZ. I CANT. Just seeing her like that...I was a mess. A MESS.

No One Mourns the Wicked (Reprise) - Felt bad for Elphie, amazing ensamble cast.

Thank Goodness - Kendra's "There are bridges you didn't know you crossed until you crossed" just blew me away.

The Wicked Witch of the East - I love Nessa. That is all.

Wonderful / I'm Not That Girl (reprise) - never really struck me as anything but good.

As Long As You're Mine - So good. Their chemistry is amazing, and I loved their kiss!

No Good Deed - This is my favorite song from Wicked and Julia did it really well, especially the last part. But I think I liked Lisa's more.

March of the Witch Hunters - I felt horrible for poor Elphie!

For Good - Hi, tears. I cried almost the whole show, but I couldn't even see during this song. Amazing, seriously.
Finale - AHH.

So basically, I cried the whole show and was SO HAPPY. "I couldnt be happier - thank goodness!". Seriously.

At the stagedoor...

Chrissy Chandler - such a sweetie! She was kind of in a rush but I got an autograph, and forgot a picture. Dummbbb. I talked to her about being in the OBC for a bit.

Sebastian - ainrfanriwarwa.
Me: Hey Sebastian!
S: hey!
me: you were so great! i met you back on march 4th...and i met your dad!
s: oh yeah! i remember you! haha that was great! *signs playbill*
me: yeah! thanks! Congrats on your engagement again, btw! *picture*
s: oh thank you, thank you very much.
we talked for a while. i couldn't believe he remembered me! he said he'd tell his dad i said hi. :)

Next...Julia. *Holy music*

There was a little girl, about 4, who had been sitting in front of me and was near me at the SD. She goes, "Was that really you!?" and Julia smirks and showed her the green nailpolish, and the girl gasped. "It's really me." So cute!

me: hi julia!
j: hey!
m: *begins explaining how i wanted to see her in wicked forever*
mom: yeah *shows the picture*
julia: hey look! its us!
me: *laugh* yeah. thank you for being there. i came on march 4th, but you werent here! so i came again!
my mom: yeah she dragged me along
julia: *touches my hand* im so sorry i wasnt there. and you never have to see wicked again!
me: dont worry, i will!
mom: we saw you on L&O
julia: oh really?! i havent! i dont have tivo!
my mom and i: *rave about how amazing she is*
julia: oh wow, thanks for buying this. whats your name?
m: marisa
j: one r or two?
me: one s, one r. thank you so much for doing all for your fans. wrote you a letter and you replied and blah blah.*babbles on*

that isnt too accurate because my mom KEPT TALKING and i coudlnt hear myself. but yeah. Kendra didn';t come out , oh well.

i can't even believe it, seriously. dream come true. This WILL be edited, and pictures WILL be added when my camera stops being dumb and I have more time to focus.

I haven't updated in a while. Haven't really had time...
I'm kind of conflicted about things. I don't know what to do. I'm so confused and I feel totally lost. I put myself in other peoples shoes, and think of what their advice is and what it would be, but thats what I don't want to do. I'm just so mixed up.
I don't even know who I am anymore. I'm not trying to be emo and want attention, this is my journal so if you don't like it, don't read it. I think, "i'm a really patient person." and then I think the complete opposite. I think, "I don't have a bad temper" and then I think, "Jeez, my temper is horrible." I don't know what I am. I wish there was some sort of permanent guideline that could just tell me how I am, instead of making me wonder.



Like Carrie Bradshaw said, "We know everybody else like a book, but when it comes to ourselves, we have no idea." It's a girl thing. She's ugly. She's pretty. She's fat, she's skinny, she's nice, she's evil, she's an optimist, she's emo, she freaks out too much, she's a perfectionist. But who am I? Am I a great artist? Can I sing well? Can I write well? Am I smart? I wish I knew. It would be so much easier.

I found myself thinking today, "Shoshana Bean sucksss. Don't see her." Who the hell do I think I am? I've heard Sho sing ONE song, and NOT live. What the hell gives me the right to judge her, let alone form an opinion? I'l tell you. Other people's opinions. So many people say Sho suck, that I started thinking Sho sucked when I've never really given the girl a chance. There's something wrong with that.



It's other people's opinions that form our own, really. Would I think I have talent in art if other people didn't think so? If everybody said I couldn't draw, would I believe it?

Life is so confusing. Sigh. >_<

In other news...
I bought three new pairs of earrings that I absolutely love. Love, love, love.
My room is a mess.
I'm working on a portrait of penguins. Looks good.
This week is gonna be scary, haha.
Peter....I don't know. Sometimes, I think he's improved. He said I had a SEXY picture today. IM NOT LYING. I DIDNT EVEN HAVE TO PROVOKE IT! HE JUST SAID IT! So, I'm thinkin he improved. Then he changes my mind by forgetting to say he loves me, and this was our conversation after I basically CUT CLASS to see him.

me: hey!
peter: hi.
me: whats up?
peter: nothing you?
me: nothing, came to see you =)
peter: =)
me: aw i know you have class now, so if you need to go...
peter: okay bye.

...dickwad. I just don't understand how 100 people can tell you "shape up or she's breaking up with you" and he doesn't do a thing. Doesn't do a damn thing. I know he's trying, wahtever. Dont try to make me look like the bitch here, because any other girl would have dumped him MONTHS ago. Why can't I? Patient doesn't mean desperate.... I don't think I'm horribly unnattractive and I cuold probably find another guy at my school if I wanted to. ... I think.

Again, I don't know.

I don't know ANYTHING. Arghh.

Well, It's nice to know you can all relate. Everyone goes through the same things. :]



Hottie. ;)

Wow. So I woke up at 6 AM with a killuh stomach ache. I was like, "whatevz." then, it was like bulemia. I blame The Pirate Queen, really. Well, it was gross and lasted until 11 am. yuckiez. BUTTT. My wonderful, amazing biff Jen bought me soup and a little bear! I love you Jen XD. thank youuu x3459. i'm so happeh! lol. <333

that's basically all i have to say. i love all my friends, especially ones that bring me soup, and im probably going to beat peter up and shoot him. whoa who said that?!


Gee, whos that? xD






TOTALLY did that...

by the way my boyfriend is fucing retarded. just in case you didnt know. this is MY journal and i want to call him that i can. i tell him that everyday anyway. :D

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE! OH MY GODDD!

I was just in a wonderful mood for 2 hours for 40 minutes, thank you very much Jonathan Larson. Since I'm seriousfukinly in roleplay withdrawal/rehab/addiction/WHATEVER, I've been bored for the past 2 weeks THANKYOULIFE. So, yeah. But that's a whole other rant and a half.

Okay. How can I say this. I really, really appreciate the advice you guys have given me and how much you guys care about my relationship with Peter. It's just, I'm really sick of that being the only thing we talk about. I don't bring it up because I don't like to talk about it all the time. It makes me really upset. Won't lie. hah. I know things aren't perfect, but It just kinda makes me wonder why people only im me to tell me what they think I should do because apparently I'm too stupid to fix things on my own. He doesn't like me, whatever, I'll deal with it. Anyone reading this journal, namely my close friends, have been really great with giving me advice when I ask for it and not giving it to me when I don't. I appreciate that you want to help. It's just people that I'm not close with (TJ, cough cough). No but seriously, this isn't directed toward anyone blah blah blahh. If any of you think it is shove it because it totally isn't, its about people in general. So if you talk to me being a little dramatic pontiac, i will hit you. SOFAWKAWF.

Another. Copying homework. I TOTALLY understand if you don't have the time. But every single day, copying a weeks worth of homework from me, really is not cool. It pisses me off to no end. How is that fucking fair? I guess this goes under the whole karma thing of, I do all my work the fair way and still fail the test and the azzwhole that cheats off me gets a 90. Like, what is that. And how is that fair. SRSLY. It just really bothers me.

You know what else bothers me? When people ignore you, or don't talk to you when they should be, or don't have the decency to write you off and let you wonder. Hmmm....



REHAB SUCKS. BUT HOLLA, MAY 5TH!


...And why is there a dead squirrel hanging from the ceiling? Answer me that.

I know everything happens for a reason. I really do believe that. Just lately, things have been bothering me.

Tonight (Friday) after art, I wanted to go somewhere with Peter. I hardly see him all week and if he supposedly likes he, he'll want to come. Great, we wanna go to applebees. No one else can go except us. I have a feeling he doesn't want to go with just me (becausehedoesntlikemeatfreakinall). He's like "Idk Andrew just asked me to come over". We don't know what we're doing but he said he'd come with me. I realize I'm completely irrational and attention starved when it comes to boys, not to mention extremely paranoid, but something about that just bothered me. I'm so terrified that one day, like Maureen in my rp (which I'll discuss later) I'll just get way too fed up with his shyness and it'll be over. Or that he'll get annoyed with my paranoia or everyone will push him too far. We both know he's a sucky boyfriend. Sometimes I even wonder if he likes me at all. I don't think he does. I know "he does he just can't show it" but come on. If you really like someone, you can find a way to show it besides "<3" online. I feel like I have an internet boyfriend. This January, i met this guy Matt and we COULD'VE gone out if I wanted to but I said no because I still liked Peter. I'd much rather be with Peter, but in the few hours I knew Matt, he gave me more compliments and put his arms around me more than Peter has in 2 months. *heavy sigh* Don't get me wrong, I really like Peter and I really want to keep going out. But what is the point in going out if he doesn't even like me? I just. I don't know. That turned out hella long. Anyway, we don't know what we're doing but we're doing something tonight. I almost want to bring up the issue but... I really don't know. I'm just so frustrated.

I just wrote something and erased it, out of fear someone I don't want to see it would see it. Let's just say... I'm in rehab. Real, real rehab. Not for drugs, but for an addiction. I don't want to get out of rehab. I want to go back in time. No one will understand that except for Alice, lmao.

So Melanie's birthday was the 5th. I tried to take a picture with her, but she made me lose internet connection. So no picture with her.

New SB Sig:


WICKED ON MAY FIFTH. YEAHHHHH WHAT NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW. Julia Murney WILL be there. And I will meet her afterwards.

I'll leave you with some lovely photoshopped pictures.








Adios, chicas. =]

Edit: Wow. Okay. So Peter and I went to Carvel. For 20 minutes. Then we went home. He's like, "my parents told me 20 minutes." ... pointless? but we had fun, talking about Hey Arnold! and stuff. But. But...But. I got all dressed up. Like, I will never wear this jacket again. And... it was like, for nothing. And I want a kiss.

Wow, I complain a lot, I'm sorry. Let's takl about happy. I luffff Peter and he's cute and sweet. There.

So, spring is supposedly tomorrow. Totally does not feel that way. At all. I really, really hate the winter. A lot.

"Baby it's just the winter
where I can't go."

On to happier thoughts. I got my haircut.


yes, my lips ARE crooked/MYSPACE


HOLLA.


Pfft, betch plz.


Yes, MEiGHAN, I do chomp on Idina and Anthony, occasionally.


If I ever do that face, run away from me. I'm about to SLAP YOU.

I liked it the first day. Then when I washed my hair and it looks like crap. It'll probably grow on me.

Sooo lately I feel like I've been a mean person. For example. Geniveve. I feel so mean when we make fun of her, but I have witty comments and I can't help it. But I feel so mean. I feel really shallow and stupid judging people on their looks, because we all do that. Admit it, you do. I mean, put yourself in this situation.
You go into a new class, and you don't know anyone. There's a messy, dirty, careless looking person with an empty chair beside them. Then there's an attractive, clean looking person with an empty chair next to the. Who are you going to sit next to? And if you pull some jackass, "ID SIT NEXT TO DA GURL WHOZ UGLY CUZ I UNDERSTAND" then you're judign by looks too, dumbass.
Overall I wouldn't call myself mean and shallow, but sometimes I just make these funny/mean comments I can't hold back...

glad I got that out. Anywho. UHM. I'm in roleplaying withdrawal. Like, in rehab. srsly. Alice understands haha. I'm just so bored. lol

With Peter, things have been better I think. Only time will tell, I guess... I just hope he hasn't forgotten, and I kinda wish I got to talk to him about other stuff...

LICKMAHBALLZ.


hottie. :D

Please ignore the emoness of this post. I am in a completely unstable state of mind right now.

My name is Marisa.
My boyfriend doesn't give a shit about me
he isn't mature enough to handle a girlfriend
sometimes i wonder why im going out with him
then i remember its because no one else "loves me"
hes a fucking prude asshole
korn should fucking die
they sing like tinfoil
i really want all my exboyfriends to rot in hell
i dont know if my current boyfriend is included.
i dont want him to rot in hell
i just want ot smack the shit out of him/
god forbid anyone give him a push to i dont know, KISS ME,, he'll probably break up with me
like last year
way to apologize, by the way. still waiting for that one, dick.
i really want to shut my door and go to bed and wake up when i want to. then when i wake up, i want to go on the computer andhave fun and go back to sleep. for days ,for hours, for months, i dont care. i hate dealing with this shit.
it pisses me off that im such a bitch and people have much worse problems than me and im bitching about this stupid shit.
i feel bad for someting i did before but now i dnt know if iam.
today is loris birthyda and i dont give a shit. i definitely do care.
rosie thomas = love.
i'll probably post later with real, actual postings.
fuck you fuck you fuck you
and it klls me that i wont even tell peter why the fuck im mad because i have no backbone and im a bitch. i fuxking hate ymself.
ialso hate root canals, which i have to get tomrorow. ow.
i hate crying. especialyl in front of people and i almost did before in front of Jay and jen so yeah.
i wish i was smart and i wish i had more time in the day.
one fucking apolgoy, a REAL apology to my ugly face would probably make me feel better.
i wish iw as prettier and i wish i had a better body.
i think im done bitching.

okay. so everything i jut said was really great because i didnt specify THAT much, and everyone can relate to it. we all have those thoughts, right? no. wrong stupd ukcig bith. sorry, cant see what im typing at all. fuckkk.


Idina lyrics.


"he's distant...moodified." "i've been thinking." "i've heard." - wicked. my favorite mug, obvzz.


Upshur? Upyours!


cute. not.

when annoying people im me, i say


"Can you SHUT UP!?"


"What the hell!"

to myself. but i really want to say:



FUCK YOU.

i swear to oz that if people bitch me out for typing that or are fake about it, i'll beat them. my journal, you dont have to read it.

by the way. Broadway Secrets is ruling my life now.

So I saw Wicked today. Not going to lie, major disappointment...Not the show itself. Read on.

The cast:
Ensemble- Seriously, they were amazing. I paid extra attention to them, having being an ensamble member myself this year haha,

Cristy Chandler (Nessa)- Wow, Hello. This former original cast member pwned. Seriously. I really like Nessa, and she had a fantastic voice and her acting was great. I'm disappointed I didn't talk to her at the SD.

Sebastian Arcelus (Fiyero) - Wow, I have a story about him at the SD. His singing was wonderful and his acting was good too.

Kendra Kassenbaum (Galinda) - I heard a lot of things saying she sucked. Her singing was good, and kind of unique. Her harmonies weren't that great and I feel like she doesn't sing well with other people. Also some parts in the song had no emotion. Like in popular, "Whenever I see someone, less fortunate than I, and lets face it. Who isn't less fortunate than I?" had no emotion. At all. She sped through it. But she was a good singer.

Now, here's the "WHAT THE FUCK JULIA MURNEY" story. So I'm on line, buying a T Shirt, and I hear some girl go, "That's SUPPOSED to be Elphaba but shes not here today." So I froze. FROZE. I looked at the sign, and sure enough, Julia wasn't there today. Why. Why, life, why. I was freaking out in my head, trying not to cry. It's just I really expected to see Julia. I had what I wanted to say, her CD to sign, everything. She's my role model, next to Idina. I was crushed really, that I waited five months to see someone I really, really was dying to see. It's not like it's a small part either. Elphaba is everything. I was really upset and my aunt and my dad didn't understand completely. I'm glad everyone on SB does. Thanks guys haha. It's just like such a huge disappointment because I was really looking forward to seeing her. She was going to be the main point of my day.

So the understudy for Elphie was Lisa Brescia. This girl is pretty good, and it's only her third or fourth time as Elphaba, as she said. I felt like she didn't hold the note long enough and jumped the range a bit at some parts, but she was GOOD. Really good. Not disappointed with her voice but as I said, "she's good. But she's not Juila."

The second we got into the theatre I wanted to cry. "OMG IDINA MENZEL WAS HERE ZOMGOGAWBFWUABGFA." Then Julia Murney not being there made me on the verge of tears for a while. There's also something about me that I'm silly and songs that I love, like Wicked, i cry during them. Just cause.

No One Mourns the Wicked - Ahh. The overature is the best in Broadway, I think, and this song is a perfect opening. The bubble was kinda less than I expected, but a wonderful enterance for Ms. Kassenbaum.

Dear Old Shiz - I always skip this song, but it was more entertaining to watch than to listen to. I wanted to scream at Lisa. I was like "BITCH HAS SOME BIG SHOES TO FILL, CAN YA DO IT?!"


The Wizard and I - my playbill is destructed from this. I have 5 and one is all crinkled up from squeezing. Again, I'm silly and I want to cry and scream. Just amazing, plain and simple! This is when I decided Lisa was good and I relaxed a little. A little.


What Is This Feeling - The harmonies...were right, but the voices don't work together. Kendra and Lisa were good though, acting wise.

Something Bad - I do like this song. Very nice.

Dancing Through Life - This is one of my favorite songs. Sebastian proved he was amazing and Lisa shined. The Elphie dance? lmao. "She doesnt give a twig what anyone else thinks". Especially when Galinda joined in. Also, everyone knows I love the Nessa/Boq part, and that was splendid.

Popular- Popular was great. Kendra really nailed it, though again, some parts were fast and without emotion. Toss, toss.

I'm Not That Girl - Nice. I liked the rain effect.

One Short Day - those round things have always scared me. good scene, I kept thinking, "OMFG IDINA WAS HERE DOING THIS".

A Sentimental Man - This song bores the hell out of me. I don't like the Wizard, he's a boring character. The guy was alright, I guess. Blech. I did like the loudness of the Wizard Machine and the lighting with the monkey scene...mmmmm.

Defying Gravity- No words, the end. Lisa wins.
(intermission)
Thank Goodness - Alright, never been one of my favs.

Wonderful - blech, boring.

I'm Not That Girl Reprise - Kendra did really well.

As Long As Your Mine - I remember having an obsession with this song a while ago. Staged as amazing as the pictures showed, sang beautifully, and the chemistry was okay.

I really enjoyed the catfight. A lot. "Feel better?" "Yes."

No Good Deed - My favorite song. Done really well. I can't even talk about it.

MOTWH - the ensamble wins at life. they made me like this song. they were so MAD.

For Good - crying. crying. crying. their harmonies were better at this point, I think.

Finale - can't talk the end.

Wicked was everything I expected it to be, honestly. Amazing. Minus Julia Murney.

SDing:

I'm really glad my dad talks to random people. This time the random person was Sebastian Arcelus' dad. HULLO! He was so sweet, and now I know Sebastian's life story. Good looking guy. So Sebastian came out. CUTIE. He signed my shirt, took a pic, I told him he was great and congratulated him on his engagement with SJB. His dad was like "how did you know?" haha. He was a really sweet and genuine guy.



Jane HoudyShell was very nice. Signed my t-shirt.

Lisa Brescia - So nice. She was very pretty and very sweet. She was like "I have the same shirt. It's going to look so good on you." and put it up against me. So sweet. I asked her if she was nervous and she was like "nah not really, its my 3rd or 4th time. I forget." Very nice girl.



Kendra Kassembaum- Bing Bang Bam thank you ma'am. What teh hell. she had like no personality. signed the shirt, took the pic, left. I was like "oh you were so great, I loved you in Rent..." adn she was like "oh thats way back haha." She was not as bubbly and nice as I thought. Not that she wasn't nice but she didn't say much.


bleeech its dark.

So that was Wicked. Dissappointing but not. I have homework so tee tee why el.