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Idina "defy"

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May 12th, 2011

Grateful

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Idina "defy"
I know I haven't written here in years. Part of me wants to delete all of my journal, because it's embarrassing, but it is my past.
I'm writing here today to say how grateful I am to be me. I'm watching a documentary on 9/11. As a New Yorker, I keep thinking of how much this effected America. It feels so strange that I lived this day, my family lived this day, everyone I know lived this day and we're still here, going on our lives. It's so weird that we have a WAR going on, but to be honest, my life hasn't been totally effected by it. I forget there is a war sometimes. I don't have a loved one in the military, thank God. If I did, maybe things would be different. How in the world did ONE event change America FOREVER? Never again will people feel safe. Level orange is "okay". Never can people, including myself, look at a plane the same way. I hadn't heard the word 'terrorist' before the 4th grade. It just wasn't a concept. Now, I bet every 4th grader knows what that means. It's terrible to live in a world like this, constantly in fear.
I'm wondering if the conflict will ever be resolved. Honestly, I don't think it will. It's sad but no matter what, we're changed and there will always be conflict.
I just am so grateful to be alive and for the preciousness of life. The bravery of the human person is amazing. We're a terrible race at times, but next time I currently hate mankind, I'm going to think of the men and women who risked everything on 9/11. New Yorks finest, for sure.
Looking back, we know what happened. Even then, as a 4th grader getting picked up from school, there was a sense of calm. Thank God my parents didn't panic, they acted normal. They explained to me what happened, and you know what I said? "Oh". I didn't know what the twin towers were. I didn't understand exactly what that meant. I said "Oh", and Blair and I continued playing with my lego dinosaurs. How lucky.
It's easy to understand how people could have LITERALLY thought that was Armageddon. LITERALLY, the END of the WORLD. Terrifying.
Seeing the pictures of New York, not just that area but all of New York, in smoke, is insane.
So happy Osama is dead. Hopefully, we can take this information and do something with it.
Life is precious, remember that.

July 8th, 2008

Smells Like Teen Spirit

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Carrie
I am calm. I am friendly. I am caring.

These are a few qualities in myself that I like. One thing in myself that I a missing, a core part of being a teenager - teen angst. Where the hell is it? Where's my passion to be freaking crazy, break every rule and not look back? I'm fifteen, halfway through my teenage years already. I've got five years to go. It may seem like a long time ago, but I can remember being ten so vividly that I could believe it was yesterday.

I think Footloose has made me question myself. All these kids are so passionate about getting a dance going because dancing is against the law, and you know what I'd do? I'd say, "Guys, it won't happen, don't even try, get over it". I have a good sense of reality, a great sense, even, and I know when things are pointless, when people are lying, and when people are attention starved. Also, in Footloose, a younger friend, probably twelve told me she had her period, and it only hit me hours later that it could've very well been her first period. Pretty big event in a girls life. I was in the fifth grade, barely ten years old, which is early, and though I feel like it's been a long, long time ago, I can still feel like it was recent. Time is a strange thing to me. I have no concept of it, which may play into my non-craziness (Which is my insanity, by the way).

Anyway, I think I have no desire to be over the top because I've felt being mediocre was something to strive for. My dad inspired me to be this way. At dinner, his talks of ridiculous celebrities and looking down on their expensive cars and houses made me believe and respect people who do not have that. The people who will buy Hondas and not a Benz. The people who will get an office job and not be a starving actress. Don't get me wrong, my father and mother encouraged me to reach for my dreams, but I grew up valuing being average. Maybe I wanted my dad to like me because he'd see I wanted to be the common, blue collared person. Maybe, actually, definitely, that's a feature I love about my dad, and I want to be like him. Maybe I know my dad is ordinary and I love him so I love ordinary. Who knows. Either way, I know my dad inspired me to want to be the average kiddo. I liked the non-dramatic things, I guess you could say. I was always a little weird with that. I never liked anything mainstream. I liked Buttercup, not Bubbles. I liked Jo, not Blair on the Facts of Life.

At this age, that is what I want. A simplistic life - a 9-5 job with full benefits, married by thirty, and two or three kids, live in a house with a yard and I'd love a puppy. Maybe do some sort of art or theatre on the side to make money.

Now why would any fifteen year old want that.

Why don't I want to be a crazy, lunatic, famous, money hungry celebrity? WHY DO I WANT TO SETTLE IN MY LIFE? This is my life, I'm young, I have the power to make my decisions. I live life by working today to have a better tomorrow, but why am I working so hard? Why do I work so DAMN hard in school, harder than everyone else, and I'll probably just end up going to a SUNY school!? I should want to be on Broadway, wanting to go to NYU and not thinking about it 24/7. Life for today.

What the hell is my problem?


That turned out to be more of a rant than I planned. I probably sound nuts.

May 25th, 2008

(no subject)

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Idina "defy"
The Basics

Full Name Marisa wontsayitonljbutwillsayiteverywhereelsecauseshesqueer
You like it? I like Leigh, yes.
Birthdate November 18th
Height/Weight: 5"2, 105 or so...
Eye Color Brown
Hair Color Brown
Can you...
Drive? No.
Drive a manual? No.
Touch your nose with your tongue? No, but I can tie a cherry not.
Cook? No.
Dance? Yes.
Sing? Yes.
Sew? No.
Speak another language? Spanish.
Have you ever...
Eaten sushi? Yes, don't like it much.
Been in love? With like, Idina and Halfy.
Skipped school? NO WTF alsdfjas actually yes, for Idina.
Made prank calls? I'm so good at those.
Done illegal drugs? ;saljdals :)
Stolen something worth more than ? Nope.
Flashed someone? HHA YES. An old couple and Becca by accident!
Been drunk? kasldha :)
Eaten squid? fried calamari all the wayyyy
Been to New York City? I live very close aha
Been to London? no :(
Favorite
Drink hm. green tea? hot chocolate?
Soda Coke.
Food honey mustard pretzels.
Restaurant applebees?
Color blue probably.
Artist idina :D
Album oh jeez, um. cant pick one!
Website facebook, sb, natalie dee.
The Last
Person to hit you MS DALTON ON THE LUNCH LINE
Person you wanted to hit everyone on this earth
Person you hugged my mommy.
Person you kissed: really kissed? peter. like, cheek? my mommy =]
Person you wanted to kiss you I AM DESIRABLE TO NO ONE.
Country you've been in America.
Car you've driven my dads but i dont drive really.
Law you've broken -shakes head at today-
Thing you ate : veggie chips!
Thing you drank: green tea
Thing you said: "night dad"
Book you read Ordinary People, it's open on my desk.
Show you watched: Soup, watching it now.


MAUREEN'S QUIZ!

The Basics
Full Name Maureen Leah Conley.
You like it? Yeahhhh why not.
Birthdate November 22nd.
Height/Weight 5"4, 120.
Eye Color green
Hair Color brown
Can you...
Drive? im horrible at it hahah but yep, im legally able to drive.
Drive a manual? yep.
Touch your nose with your tongue? nah that's gross
Cook? HAHA
Dance? yep.
Sing? kinda
Sew? a little
Speak another language? Russian, I took Spanish in high school but dropped it. I guess I can speak it a little though.
Have you ever...
Eaten sushi? Yeah
Been in love? Yep.
Skipped school? hah yeah.
Made prank calls? oh dude im a beast at those
Done illegal drugs? all models do coke.
Stolen something worth more than ? nah.
Flashed someone? yes!
Been drunk? ahah yes
Eaten squid? yeah
Been to New York City? born and raised.
Been to London? nah but i wanna
Favorite
Drink cosmo
Soda coke, sprite is for pussayz.
Food i love all food, im serious. cookies :D
Restaurant no particular favorite.
Color mm, blue or purple. or black or white.
Artist oh, i love all art. musically though i'd have to say Bright Eyes or Jewel.
Album Beatles White Album, or greatest hits of ... anyone.
Website i'm not online a lot so i don't really know. lolcats always cheers me up.
The Last
Person to hit you ben, that faggot
Person you wanted to hit colin
Person you hugged ben
Person you kissed Joel :]
Person you wanted to kiss you hopefully joel.
Country you've been in america?
Car you've driven mine
Law you've broken: coke
Thing you ate ugh i like devoured a krispy kreme before.
Thing you drank water
Thing you said "colin, shut up".
Book you read Danielle Steele stuff.
Show you watched: The Bachelorette. Guilty.

(no subject)

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Idina "defy"
Do you have any pets? Had a cat named Oreo. Love him.
What color shirt are you wearing? Grey
Name three things that are physically close to you: Veggie chips, Ordinary People book, magnetic bookmark my grandma gave me...
What is the last book you read? Ordinary People, reading it now.
Are you or were you a good student? I am a dandy student.
What's your favorite sport? If I had to pick, tennis or hockey.
Do you enjoy sleeping late? YES.
What's the weather like right now? Nighttime. It's okay.
Who tells the best jokes? Rosa.
What was the last thing you dreamed about? Uhm... hm. Peter's birthday =/
Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed? No.
Do you believe in karma? Yes.
Do you believe in luck? Yes.
Do you like your eggs scrambled or sunny side up? Not at all.
Do you collect anything? If so, what? not really, no.
Are you proud of yourself? sometimes, sure.
Are you reliable? absolutely.
Have you ever given money to a bum? i always want to. i give tips, is that enough?
What's your favorite food? honey mustard pretzels.
Have you ever had a secret admirer? define that please.
Do you like the smell of gasoline? yeah.
Do like to draw? hah why yes.
What's your favorite invention? computer.
Is your room messy? not really
What do you like better: oranges or apples? tangerines.
Do you give in easily? less than i used to, but yeah kinda.
Are you a good guesser? excellent guesser.
Can you read other people's expressions? yes.
Are you a bully? no.
Do you have a job? Carvel employee!
What time did you wake up this morning? 9:53, then 11 and I got out of bed at 11:11.
What did you eat for breakfast this morning? bagel and green tea.
When was the last time you showered? this morning, around 12 pm.
What do you plan on doing tomorrow? parade, hanging out, dont know.
What's your favorite day of the week and why? Saturday. Free to do what I want! Or Thursday, because they always have the best things on Dr. Phil and Oprah.
Do you have any nicknames? Not really, no.
Have you ever been scuba diving? Yes! One of my favorite memories. Edit: Oops, I meant snorkeling.
What's your least favorite color? Hm. Yellow, orange? Depends on the intensity.
Is there someone you have been constantly thinking about? If yes, who? Idina. Always. I mean, what?
Would you ever go skydiving? Maaaaybe.
What toothpaste do you use? Some insane cavity prevention thing.
Do you enjoy challenges? Depends on what kind.
What's the worst injury you have had? hm... well when i was younger i fell off the porch because no one was watching me haha.
What's the last movie you saw? uhm, hm. In theatres, probably Juno, and at recently, Juno, haha.
What do you want to know about the future? My career, and if I will be married with kids.
What does your last text message say? "Are you working tonight?" 8:44 pm.
Who was the last person you spoke over the phone to? Tom. Actually no, my mom.
What's your favorite school subject? English and Ap World.
What's your least favorite school subject? MATH, effin CHEM.
Would you rather have money or love? love.
What is your dream vacation? ahh anything, probably tropical.
What is your favorite animal? uh, squirrel? wolf?
Do you miss anyone right now? does my roleplay buddy count? i mean, uh, i don't know.
What's the last sporting event you watched? like, playland itself was a sporting event.
Do you need to do laundry? no my mom does dat shet yo.
Do you listen to the radio? only in the car, 103.7 wahh. oh yeah, cbs 101 owes me $101!
Where were you when 9/11 happened? 4th grade, letting Justine Kavanah win checkers because Ms. Stolfi made me. This let me not get to use the new markers I wanted to, haha.
What do you do when vending machines steal your money? kick them, or get over it.
Have you ever caught a butterfly? no.
What color are your bed sheets? white with blue polka dots usually, but blue with white flowers.
What's your ringtone? Idina Menzel "Brave".
Who was the last person to make you laugh? Cassie.
Do you have any obsessions right now? Idina, roleplaying.
Do you like things that glow in the dark? yes, why not.
What's your favorite fruity scent? gay men. or, uhm, i don't know.
Do you watch cartoons? not really, no.
Have you ever sat on a roof? tijanas, once, in the 5th or 7th grade or something.
Have you ever been to a different country? Mexico
Name three things in the world you dislike: Rudeness, unfairness, poverty.
Name three people in the world you dislike: This girl from my school with a muffin top and a fake tan, a lot of rappers, i don't know, i like a lot of people.
Has a rumor even been spread about you? not really, no.
Do you like sushi? no.
Do you believe in magic? not sure haha.
Do you hold grudges? absolutely.

Ben Quibbler's Quiz!

Do you have any pets? Two cats, but they passed away. Maureen has her dog, Roger, and since we live together, I guess it's kind of mine too. So yes.
What color shirt are you wearing? Blue buttoned up collar shirt.
Name three things that are physically close to you: My computer, the window, the coffee table.
What is the last book you read? The Prince of Tides. Fabulous book.
Are you or were you a good student? Yes, proud to say that I was.
What's your favorite sport? Oh, I like baseball.
Do you enjoy sleeping late? Sometimes, but I don't like to waste the day. 9 o'clock or so is perfect for me.
What's the weather like right now? Rainy.
Who tells the best jokes? Colin.
What was the last thing you dreamed about? I dreamt I was on a football team last night.
Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed? I do drive, and no I have not, because I am a careful driver.
Do you believe in karma? Yes.
Do you believe in luck? Yes, but not completely. 80%, maybe.
Do you like your eggs scrambled or sunny side up? Scrambled.
Do you collect anything? If so, what? I used to collect coins as a kid, and now, I collect lots of things but I get rid of them after a year. I do not like clutter.
Are you proud of yourself? I think so, yes.
Are you reliable? Very much so.
Have you ever given money to a bum? Every time I see one. I also feed Colin so that counts.
What's your favorite food? Pasta, or Fried Calamari, or Shrimp...
Have you ever had a secret admirer? In the 4th grade, I got a lot of random letters from Ashley Brown. They were very sweet. Thank you, Ashley.
Do you like the smell of gasoline? Not particularly.
Do like to draw? Considering that I am an artist...
What's your favorite invention? The internet completely fascinates me.
Is your room messy? No!
What do you like better: oranges or apples? Apples, but I eat both. The seeds in oranges drive me nuts, though.
Do you give in easily? Yes.
Are you a good guesser? No.
Can you read other people's expressions? Sometimes.
Are you a bully? Naw.
Do you have a job? I am a cartoonist, and I do interior design in my free time.
What time did you wake up this morning? 7:30, for work.
What did you eat for breakfast this morning? Waffles and tea, like my mom used to eat haha. She still does.
When was the last time you showered? This morning, at 7:30.
What do you plan on doing tomorrow? Working, then going to see Tara :)
What's your favorite day of the week and why? Sunday mornings are always relaxed, which I like.
Do you have any nicknames? ... We won't talk about this.
Have you ever been scuba diving? Yes, one of the most amazing experiences!
What's your least favorite color? Orange looks like throw up.
Is there someone you have been constantly thinking about? If yes, who? Tara, of course, as well as Maureen. She hasn't been right lately.
Would you ever go skydiving? I'd like to eventually.
What toothpaste do you use? Extreme Cavity Prevention plus Fluoride.
Do you enjoy challenges? Puzzles are my favorite, but most of the time, No, I don't.
What's the worst injury you have had? I broke my arm playing football when I was a teenager.
What's the last movie you saw? Tara and I watched Saving Private Ryan last night. I thought it was a little too bloody, but war movies interest me. I think Tara was a little bored but she said she liked it.
What do you want to know about the future? Hm... I would like to know Armageddon, and the "true" religion, if you will.
What does your last text message say? Inbox: "get veg chips" from Maureen. I replied, "got it".
Who was the last person you spoke over the phone to? My mother.
What's your favorite school subject? I always loved English and World History.
What's your least favorite school subject? I am bad at Math and the Sciences.
Would you rather have money or love? Love, any day.
What is your dream vacation? Going with Tara to the Bahamas, kissing under a sunset. I bet she'd take a lot of photos, and I'd draw up a storm.
What is your favorite animal? I really like bears. But cute bears, like Pooh. We are a lot alike, Winnie and I. ;)
Do you miss anyone right now? Nope, since Tara is on the couch next to me.
What's the last sporting event you watched? I watched a football game with Joel and some of Maureen's male friends.
Do you need to do laundry? Yep.
Do you listen to the radio? Not really.
Where were you when 9/11 happened? At work, in the city. It was a very interesting experience. I am very lucky to be alive. I work far away, but I could see the smoke. I'd actually rather not talk about it.
What do you do when vending machines steal your money? Tell an administrator.
Have you ever caught a butterfly? Probably.
What color are your bed sheets? Blue.
What's your ringtone? The Beatles. I'm old fashioned.
Who was the last person to make you laugh? Maureen.
Do you have any obsessions right now? No? Well, Tara and Maureen...
Do you like things that glow in the dark? Yes. I used to have stars on my ceiling.
What's your favorite fruity scent? What? Enough with the gay jokes! ;)
Do you watch cartoons? No.
Have you ever sat on a roof? Yep.
Have you ever been to a different country? China, with Tara. Amazing.
Name three things in the world you dislike: Cruelty, unfairness/injustice, radical religious fanatics
Name three people in the world you dislike: Oh dear. My old boss, the brats who picked on me in school, and ... I don't know.
Has a rumor even been spread about you? Probably.
Do you like sushi? Yes I do.
Do you believe in magic? Mhm.
Do you hold grudges? I try not to.

I love Ben Quibbler.

Public Property.

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Idina "defy"
I want to be Carrie Bradshaw. This is known. However, I have an idea - what if I came up with a blog like Perez Hiltons? I'd post it on facebook, so anyone could read it. It would be strictly about the news and stuff, not me. Do you guys think anyone would read it besides the people that come here? Honestly. If I made it funny, added pictures, ect... ? Let me know, honestly. I'm pretty sure no one would read it, but you know haha.

A sample would be:

So let's talk about security of the internet. In a recent encounter, I was just blocked from someone's facebook page. Why, this is a tad ridiculous in my opinion. I love looking at people I don't like's facebook, and I bet people who don't like me like looking at mine. Why? Because humans crave drama. What really is the point in blocking someone? Is it the satisfaction in knowing they will know you blocked them, or is it really to remove someone you don't like from viewing personal things about you? Let's explore both, shall we?

Personally, I believe blocking is stupid. I fail to see the point. I don't care who looks at my pictures. The creators of facebook will tell you, in a complete BS attempt in an argument, "facebook is to connect with old friends and share memories". True, but again, it's also a drama feed that EVERYONE, yes, EVERYONE, feeds into. By putting pictures on the internet, I don't know, I feel like it's fair game for anyone to see. More importantly though, what's the big deal about someone you don't like seeing your pictures, your status update, and what people posted on your wall? You're doing the same thing to them, seeing where they went, who they smiled with. I think it's a tad puerile, and honestly, you ain't that interesting, honey.

Suck it up and put it on public.

February 2nd, 2008

IDINA IDINA IDINA

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Idina "defy"
I'm writing this so I never forget it.
Tuesday, Jan 29th 2008, Idina's new CD, I Stand, was debuting so she was having a performance/CD signing at the Virgin MegaStore in NYC. So guess who went.
6:30 - wake up.
7:30 - arrive at Megastore to line up to buy tickets at 9. the first person there was there at 1 am. thing was, they didnt run out so you coulda gotten a ticket at 1 am or 9:30 ( latest time i know) so it didnt really matter. my mom and i talked to this crazy lady behind us who wouldnt stop talking and leaning in towards me because i talk kind of quietly.
9:00 - buy the two cds, $32.64 or something like that, and get two blue bracelets that are still on my wrist.
9:30 - leave the city.
4:45 - arrive back at the city, get on another line for the 6:30 performance/signing. Only those with a bracelet could be at the signing. I hung out with Ali and Joanna, pretty fun yay.
6:30 - my life begins. why is she so amazing. she sung six songs from the new album, while i took pictures and video of her. amazing woman.
about 8:32 - I MET IDINA MENZEL.
ok so the security guard took the cd from you and gave it to her to sign, and you had a maximum of 5 seconds to talk to her.
me: hi idina, you're my favorite performer and it's so nice to meet you, thank you so much.
Idina: Oh, thank /you/ for coming.
Then she looked up at me. Holy. Everything. She is so FREAKING beautiful. Her eyes are so green and I was like, taken aback and didn't know what to say. So I said, "oh, you're welcome..." and smiled and waved goodbye. She looked at me like she was listening so intently, her head tilted a bit. I couldn't believe how drop dead gorgeous she was. Is, rather.
9 - go to applebees with Ali and her mom. fun fun. I could barely eat my mutzzstyxyo cause I was so in shock, ahha.
Then at 9:30 my mom had Paulie from her car service placce thing drive us home.
best day of my life so far.

September 23rd, 2007

Fantasies Come True

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Idina "defy"
HELLO LIFE.
21st Annual Flea Market today! my camera decided to be a cock on the ONE day i needed it.

the 12 line:
*everything Im writing is without the "O HAI CAN YOU SIGN THIS PLZ ^_______^"

Adam Pascal - "sick today" MY BUTT. No show, breaking the hearts of 34543 fangirls (me being one).

Michael Bernesse - ACL - I totally forgot who he was so it was like plain and awk and I told him I was seeing ACL and he said he'd be there.

Laura Bell Bundy: I take back everything I said about her. She was INCREDIBLY sweet.

me: youre one of my fav performers!
larua: oh thank you *adorable face*
me: you're very welcome!
*pauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuse*
It was a little awk, but she did the cutest face when she was watiing. She's very pretty.

Orfeh & Christian were cool. Had...nothig to say to them.

Ilene Kristen - I told her I saw her last year, she was impressed, haha.

Max & Laura from Grease...she was SO pretty but I really didnt have anything to say, haha.

Kerry Butler - I told her about Ariel, she remembered. Very sweet girl. Needed a higher shirt line though. Not that I am complaining... ;)

JULIA MURNEY OH MAH LAWD. I wish I had spoken to her for longer. She looked very nice. I told her she wsa my favorite, she signed my Wild Party CD ("WOW!") and my mom was like, "We saw wicked twice, we stalk you LOLZ". I don't remember, I was too nervous.


Anthony Rapp - So nice, again. What a cutie.
Me: Hi, can you sign this please? *hands Rent CD*
Anthony: Sure, where?
Me: Anywhere ^___________^
An: Ok :) Here a go.
me: thank you so much, and thank you for coming to the stagedoor everyday.
my mom: r*rambles*
me: ^________^

Did not talk to Andy Karl, Marj or Joanne Dunsay.

Then I got my photo witih Rappy! Hes adorable.

1 pm line. I saw them start to walk and I was like, "Hi Stephanie! Hi Sebastian! Hi Mary! Hi...." they all responded, but stehpanie block was like "!! hi!" and touched my wrist. i died. shes beautiful.

Ann Harada- Christmas Eve from Avenue Q - SO nice. signed my cd, was just really cool.
Beth Leavz - new haircut! very nice as always.
Caitlin Van Zandt - Sopranos/Gudiing light - so funny / nice.
Jersey Boys weer HOT. Wow.
David Hyde Pierce:
me: congrats on your tony!
him: thank you. his face was like, a mix between :) and :|

Mary Testa - dsjknfaina i love her. we talked about SWIWS. Very nice, awesome lady. "i do not rollerskate".

stephanie d'abruzzo - OMGILOVEYOU. i was SO ecstatic to finally meet this woman. told her she was one of my favorites, she said "oh you're so sweet." she looked pretty, and i liked her dress. very pale. signed my cd.

stephanie j block: ok betches, this is what happened. she was at the photobooth when i was up to talk to her, so i was like :EFF THIS" and spent $10 to go speak with her and get a pic. she shook my hand and i told her she was one of my favorites, she signed my cd. she was like "whats your name? youre gorgeous!" i love her love love love love. omg. love.

sebastian and i talked for a long time. hes so in love with stephanie, its adorable. he was like "did you ever see her? shes so great". i love him. asndiaiwan.


basically, im glad i wait all year for this because it was so worth it.

ps i met sammie from sb!

oh and my 3rd favorite roleplay ended oh well m y buddy sucked. the end. i did not cry and sob for hours like last time. :)

September 13th, 2007

Confidence

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Carrie
I've been noticing something lately. I think I've figured out one key to life. It's simple, yet we do it every single day and probably don't even realize it-- though most do.
It's all about confidence.

It's really not what you look like--well, it is, but its /the way/ you show it, really. Confidence and the way you present yourself has just about everything to do with the way people see you. You could be ugly as anything, but people will still find you hot.

Take a certain girl from our school with a unibrow. She's not pretty at all, really. It's the over amount of confidence that she puts out that makes people vote her one of the "hottest" on facebook. I'm not saying it'll work everytime, but can we, all in all, be beautiful even if we're not? I don't know, but I think there's something about it.

It doesn't just have to do with the way confidence effects the way you dress. The result of
Think of someone you know who's pretty, but has low self confidence. I can't think of too many. It's kind of like the chicken and the egg. Which came first, the beauty or the confidence? I think a little bit of beauty creates a lot of confidence, but still. Are we blinded by confidence?

I also learned something else. Low self confidence is UGLY. No one wants to be with "Mr. I hate myself" though we, as humans, seem to enjoy playing this role.
Why is it that people pretend they have low confidence, or aim for it? I think it's all for sympathy. People who play a low self confidence don't have too much of it to begin wth, and think that if they gain peoples sympathies, they'll gain friends. Maybe it works sometimes, but I never seen it have. Feeling sorry for yourself puts you and everoyne else in a bad mood, and no one wants to be around that. No oe wants to keep reminding you that you're beautiful, either. Call me Ms. Samantha, but I hate that. I don't want to say "oh stop, you're so skinny!" People hate that. It's not attractive to have to say that and it becomes frustrating. So why do we keep doing it? Attention.

Everything is so combined in life. I don't know, I could be really wrong about all this, but I think self confidence is what gets you noticed.

August 5th, 2007

I Could Never Rescue You

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Murney
I hate myself.


Just for fun:

Of Your Friends...
List 10 Of Your Friends (Any Gender) Below
1.: Jen
2.: Tijana
3.: Peter
4.: Gabi
5.: Sean
6.: Jay
7.: Viki
8.: Bert
9.: Maura
10.: Belen
Now Answer The Questions Below Referring To The Friends You Listed Above.
How long have you known 1?: Since 6th grade
Have you been to 8's house?: First time today!
Do you like 6?: hah yes, yes I do.
Are 4 and 10 friends?: Mmhm.
Have you been to 3's house?: Actually, No...
Would you ever live with 5?: no offense mar but no.
When was the last time you talked to 4?: Right now.
Would 1 and 6 make a good couple?: LOL, I swear I didn't plan that. Yes.
How about 8 and 10?: Er no.
Have you ever dreamt about 2?: Yep.
Have you ever slept with 9?: Yes.
Is 7 attractive?: Yes! Viki is so pretty.
Do you love 4?: Mmhmm. In more than a friendly way...
Would you ever cuddle with 1?: Of course.
Would you ever kiss 3?: YES. Lets get goin on that, btw...
What do you like best about 6?: He cares a lot about my best friend (:
Have you ever had a crush on 1, 3, 5, 7, or 9?: I'm dating 3. So...
Do you ever wish you never met 3?: Clearly. ;]
How did you meet 5?: Through the grapevine, I guess.
Has 2 seen you naked?: Probably. Who hasn't?
Have you seen 2 naked?: Don't think so.
Who is taller? 5 or 10?: For once, Belen isn't taller!
Have you met 4's family?: Yes.
Would you ever go out with 3?: I am, haha.
Do you think 7 is funny?: Absolutely hysterical
What about 6?: I'd say yeah.
Where was the last place you went with 1?: Her house.
When was the last time you hung out with 2?: Before she left for Yugo.
Where do you want to take 3?: To the movies tonight, then to my bed. I mean.
When do you want to see 4?: Tomorrow...
Would 5 and 6 make a good couple?: LMFAO
Have 7 and 8 ever kissed?: i don't think so :P
Would 9 or 10 ever live together?: Don't think so.
Would you let 3 have your baby?: Well...
Have you ever told 1 a deep dark secret?: Yes.
Has 1 ever told you a secret?: Yes.
Would you runaway with 6?: Probably not.
Who was the last person 9 kissed?: Not sure.
Who was the last person 7 hugged?: Her mom.
What word or phrase does 5 say alot?: "Leave1tho cya"
Does 6 make you laugh?: Yeah.
Does 2 ever annoy you?: Nope.
When did you last call 4?: No idea.
Do you ever talk to 3 online?: I am now.
What about 2?: I was before.
Does 10 smell bad?: No, haha.
Does 1 smell nice?: Guess so.
Are 1 and 8 friends?: I think.

Okay, so I took that quiz a year ago and now I just have different people. Some answers were exatly the same. Like I'm going to the mnvies with peter later and it said...dude, CREEPY.

August 2nd, 2007

So Charlie Brown is over. Its so bizarre but I love like 15/18 people there. We all get along so well. It's amazing. Tonight we had our cast party. My boobs and cheek got licked by gay men, I stripped on a pole with some dude watching ("What did you dare her to do? Bark like a dog?") I miss them all already... 3 weeks well spent. I even enjoyed the lovely choreographer, Jen, and the cuttttie acting coach, David. Everyone made fun of me for my crush. =P when we played Ampompi, I got to touch his hands and I was like "YESS".

I got SHELVES TODAY. Two cubes, one reuglar shelf, and a TV STAND!! OH OH HOH AND PICTURE FRAMESSS. that is SO COOL to me. I'm obsessed with organization, clearly. wht a nerd i am. it was fun looking through all my pictures and cutting them and such.

These were my summer goals.

-Running a mile everyday [sort of]
-Get back to 100 crunches a day [sort of]
-Fix my dieting habits [sort of]
-Change up my hair. Sidebangs + streaks. Lighter or darker brown, I'm not sure. [not yet]
-Get rid of the people I don't need in my life. [not really]
-Prevent getting more of those people (aka Geniveve) [nope]
-Be more social [yes]
-Work on getting a backbone. I believe I developed a nerve tissue of some sort lately, so that's good. (A.k.A saying "no" when I don't want to hang out instead of going, standing up for myself and others) [getting there]
-Be apart of something. I want so badly to be a part of an organization, like One or Global Warming stuff. I want to help and change things when I can. [no]
-Change my vocabulary. I'm already starting this one. [no]
-Study for math when I dont have any pressure and understand it for next year. If I can, go ahead a year. [NO]
-Be more like Kathy Griffin - more carefree. [no]

So lots of no's. That's bad. I really wanted to make a dramatic change. Like a visable one. I do have all of August. I think Cancun will help, since I can swim and do laps and tan.

Whaaaatelse. Hmm. Nothin really.
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